The Katie Chronicles: The List Maker Edition

I come from a line of list-loving women, and Katie is carrying on the family tradition.  A month or two ago, she made a list of all the things she wanted to get done on a particular weekend.  The items were:
Call Chandler [her friend] to see if she can play, yes or no
Play in my cichin
Shop
Mack my dish [a Food Network-inspired item]
Shoos and unbrella [?]
Pool
Play withe AJ
Play on my mom computer [I don’t know if this is missing the ‘s or if she has invented a computer just for mothers]
Read a book
Do mathe [is this my child?]
Eat ice cream [yep, she’s mine]
Do 2 ABC orders [homework]
TV
Ask to go to SKZ [Sky Zone, a trampoline jumpy place]
Cook with mom or dad
Rit a note
Eat penuts or nutse
Snugol [snuggle]

So there you have it, a 7 year-old’s priorities.  Lots of food, lots of playing, lots of food-related playing, all topped off with some snuggle time.  Sounds like a great weekend to me.

The Ethan Update: Throwback Edition

At Ethan's school, kids sign up for feedback sessions where teachers and students can give them feedback about things that they can improve on. Then they implement the feedback and they can sign up for promotion. If they get promoted, they get additional privileges and "pay" in their token economy. Ethan recently went up for his first feedback session and one of the main suggestions he got was that he needs to let others answer in class. Since I was a child in the 70s, my first thought was, "Dear lord, my sweet Ethan is Horshack."  

The Katie Chronicles: And So It Begins Edition, Guest Starring Ethan

The scene from our house, starting at 5.36 am: "Mommy! Mommy! THE ELVES ARE BACK! Look, look, look! Oh, I'm going to write mine a note to give Santa! But I can't touch her. Mommy, where should I put it? The elves are back! THE ELVES ARE BAAACK! Hello elves! Daddy, can we watch Star Trek? Because I told my elf I'd show him Star Trek.

The Katie Chronicles, Nature Girl Edition

Both kiddos were running around the woods of northeast Georgia this weekend on separate Scouting camping trips.  Jerome and I got some much-needed couple time and the kids got some fresh air and Scouting accomplishments. Katie has returned to the nest and been smothered with "I missed you" hugs and kisses. Now we're in the Guess What phase. "Mommy, guess what? We got to go *horseback* riding!" "Daddy, guess what? I made my own fire like you taught me!" Based on that happy but tired little face, I'm guessing Crash phase is coming soon.

Parenting Math

Parenting involves a surprising amount of math and there are two common parenting math mistakes that people make (including me before I lived this).  The first is the assumption that having two children is twice the work as one.  Logical, yes, but not true. When you have two children you have to manage each individual child, plus the relationship between them.  You have to teach them how to get along or at least refrain from killing each other. "Her hot dog is bigger than MINE!" and "He's looking at me!!" and "Yesterday you gave her two goodnight kisses!!  Why do you love her more?"  And so on. If your kids are extra prone to fighting or you have one with a special need like ADHD or sensory issues, multiply up as appropriate.  So, it's not 1 + 1 = 2 in terms of workload.  It's 1 + 1 = 3.  The other parenting math mistake is that having one child is 1/2 the work as two.  Wrong again. One child is quieter and, when something is mysteriously broken or stained, you have less detective work to do, depending, of course, on the maturity level of your spouse.  But when you have two children, they can play together at least some of the time and the older one can help the younger one, when not administering noogies and purple nurples. Only children, especially before they're too young to go over to neighbor's houses, look to you to amuse them.  Unless you enjoy playing endless rounds of Candy Land or inventing science experiments out of peanut butter and cat litter, it's a lot of work.  You have the most adorable coworker in the world, but it's work nonetheless.  

The Katie Chronicles: Family Values Edition

 I've had a very stressful few weeks and, while I haven't really talked about it with the kids, Katie knows something's up. On Thursday night, she said, "Mommy, why don't you do some yoga? It always makes you feel better.  It makes me feel good, too." I thought about what she said and decided to replace my normal workouts on the bike this week with all yoga. On Sunday night, I told her about this and thanked her for giving me such a good idea. So this morning I got up to do yoga and I soon had three observers, a sleepy-eyed Katie and the two curious cats. I settled in and concentrated on the vigorous yoga practice I'd chosen for several minutes and then I looked up to check on Katie. She had quietly stopped watching me and started writing something on her little white board. She'd written me a note. "Mommy, you are doing a great job! Love, Katie PS, thank you for taking my advice." There may not be any crying in baseball but there was a  tear (and a big hug) in yoga today.

The Katie Chronicles, Persuasion Edition

 Katie: Mommy, I got to go to the treasure box today at school [for good behavior]. 

Me: Great! What did you get?

Katie: Gummies. I knew we were having ice cream later today so I didn't get candy.

Me: Sweetie, gummies are candy.

Katie: They are?!?

Me: Yes, unless they are your vitamin gummies, they're candy.

Katie: But Mommy, I read the label and it said they have 6% protein! So they can't be candy.

Me: Nice try. They're candy.

She totally knows how to get to me, though. Label reading. That's my girl.

The Katie Chronicles: Atlanta Girl Edition

Most kids have cars they like to play with and Katie is no different. She has a pink Barbie two-seater convertible and a Cinderella carriage that see some action around our house. Recently she was zooming them around the coffee table and through a blanket tunnel. They were having a good time until they stopped short and stayed still, sitting side by side. She told me they had to stay there for awhile because they were stuck in traffic. Yep, she's an Atlanta girl.

http://youtu.be/V020XgCqHFo

The Ethan Update: Roughing It Edition

Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first sleep-away camp survivor....Ethan! It was Boy Scout camp and he earned his "Firem'n Chit" and his "Totin' Chip." (The difference between a chit and a chip gets explained later, I hope). These accomplishments mean he's demonstrated he can use both according to strict safety standards. The former means he can carry matches and build fires and the latter means he can now go beyond whittling in one place to carrying a knife or hatchet around camp if he needs it. About an hour after he returned home, you can probably guess what he asked. "Daddy, is there anything I can chop down with a hatchet?" So if any of our trees or bushes disappear in the near future, I should be able to solve the crime. Also, if you need any chopping or burning done, I have your boy.

The Katie Chronicles: Religious Education Edition

Katie is involved in an optional summer Girl Scout class series called God and Me that involves a few meetings over the summer with her group where they have Bible-related lessons and do projects. The end result will be a special patch and recognition of her studies. One of her recent homework assignments was to create a 24-card memory matching game with pictures of 12 pairs of items that God made. She asked me to check it because she came up an extra blank card, so I matched up all the pairs. There were pictures of her family, her cats, butterflies, food...all the usual suspects. And then I saw that she had created a set of cards for football. I'm keeping these because if we are ever called to present legal evidence that we are fit parents, I believe demonstrating that your children believe that God created football is admissible in a court of law in the South. 

The Ethan Update: Spirit Animal Edition

I really needed to hear some good news today. When I got home, I was talking with my hub about our respective days. He told me that he and Ethan had been talking on the long drive home and Ethan asked him what his spirit animal would be. Rome said he replied, "I don't know. Maybe a sloth?" (For the record, he's the opposite of a sloth, whatever animal that would be). Ethan then said, "What would T's spirit animal be?" They discussed options but then Ethan said, "Oh, I know! She'd be a peacock!" Rome asked him why a peacock and he said, "Because peacocks are sooo beautiful!" Then he said, "No, wait! She'd be an *albino* peacock, because they're even more beautiful!" After I suppressed the tear in my eye, I said, "Well, he got the albino part right." It's easy to see that I'm surrounded by a boy who is going to make someone an amazing husband someday...and a man who already has.

The Katie Chronicles: Tomboy Edition

It’s been fun as a parent watching all of the identity-development theories I learned about play out in the growth of my kids.  I recently picked up Katie from her day camp and, as usual, we chatted in the car on the way home.  Katie informed me that she – my Frozen-memorizing, nail polish-loving, pinktastic daughter -- and some of her camp friends have formed a tomboy club.  I asked her what a tomboy was and she said it’s a girl who likes boy things. Simple enough.  I asked her what boy things were and she said “Skylanders, Pokemon, Transformers, and stuff like that that boys like.” A few months ago, her brother defined boy stuff as burping, farting, and explosions, so I was grateful that we seem to be progressing.  (At this point I was thinking, “Wait…if girls like something that boys also like, doesn’t that make it a ‘people thing’?” but I didn’t push in that direction.  There’s plenty of time for applying logic to irrational situations later…like when we start discussing politics.)  I learned that the club is led by a team that includes a boy and when I asked her why, she said he was nice and they wanted him in the club, so I’m guessing the admission criteria and terminology are a bit fluid at this point.  But at least they’re inclusive.  She said the club has six rules.  It’s apparently important that you be nice, not use words like dumb, lame, or “the s-word” -- not THAT one, the other one…”stupid” -- and you have to like the aforementioned “boy things,” which also includes boy music like “Justin Beaver” and The Story of My Life.  (I’m sure the macho dudes down at the nearest biker bar would love to hear some the Beebs or One Direction rocking out of their jukebox).  Katie said these fall under “boy music” because…wait for it…they’re sung by boys (duh).  Later, she asked me if I was a tomboy and I said no…I’m a goddess.   And then, less tongue-in-cheek, I told her I don’t categorize things as “boy” things or “girl” things.  I like what I like and that’s it.  There was silence from the back seat, so I might have blown her mind.

The Katie Chronicles: Confession is Good for the Soul Edition

Recently, Katie and Ethan played in our basement and had to clean up the mess. Ethan complained that Katie only did one or two things and he did most of the work. We are so numb to squabbles over insignificant (to us) differences between the kids -- an ice cream dip that is one or two microns smaller than a sibling's, an extra page of a bed time story that one got and the other didn't -- that we didn't pay much attention. And then about an hour later, Katie hands me this note. In case you can't read first grade penmanship, allow me to translate: "Dear Mommy, I love you so much but Ethan did do all the work. All I did was sweep and pick up my shoes and my stuffed animal. Love, Katie. PS, I cannot find my books." Superego achieved? Well, we're working on it.

The Katie Chronicles: Southern Charm and Zombies

Recently, Katie and I were watching TV and I remarked how pretty the lady in the Chico's commercial was. Katie said, "Yes, she's pretty, Mommy, but not prettier than you. She's only the second prettiest lady." Awww, sweet baby. And it's not even close to Christmas or her birthday. Then later, Rome was kissing Katie on her forehead several times. She said, "No eating my brains, Daddy!" She's right. We have a strict "no brain-eating" rule in our house. You can't be too careful. You never know when someone will lure you in by comparing you favorably with the Chico's lady and then go zombie on you. 

Keep Your Guns Away From My Child

My home state of Georgia recently passed a law that I believe is dangerous.  One of the provisions allows felons to use the awful "Stand Your Ground" defense if they kill someone...with a firearm that it's illegal for them to have in the first place.  Apparently the nonexistent Second Amendment rights of felons are more important than the safety of anyone who unintentionally "threatens" them.  There are also provisions involving schools that my husband and I specifically protested by writing the following letter to our daughter's principal and copied to the system superintendent.

Dear Principal _____—

We'd like to begin by thanking you for everything you do for _______ Elementary School.  We are so pleased to have our daughter in a school where teachers care about her and she is getting a high quality education, despite the many challenges and barriers faced by educators these days.  That doesn’t happen without a strong leader.

We are deeply concerned about House Bill 60, which was recently signed into law.  In fact, we cannot overstate our concern about this.  Our understanding is that the law allows any school official to carry a weapon on school grounds as long as permission is granted by the district.  The law also prohibits police from questioning anyone about whether they have a permit or checking for permits, because no statewide database can be created, which basically grants everyone a concealed carry permit, regardless of criminal background or mental history. 

We are gun owners and we both grew up around guns.  We aren't anti-gun but we do believe it defies common sense to have loaded weapons around children.  We don’t believe that school officials would ever harm our child intentionally – in fact, we believe they’d give up their lives defending her if needed -- but we do know children are curious and persistent and adults make mistakes.  If guns are allowed in schools, we are certain that tragedy will ensue when a child is able to get access to the gun of a teacher or a gun is misfired by an adult, as has already happened in a Texas school.  We don’t want our daughter (or anyone else’s child) to become just another gun death statistic or to be catastrophically injured.

Given our level of concern about this development, we respectfully submit two requests

1.      Please deny anyone (other than trained police officers) who requests to bring a gun onto school property. 

2.      If you cannot deny such requests, please immediately notify us if anyone in the school other than a police officer is carrying a weapon on school grounds.  We will then request information about how to have our daughter removed from the classroom if that person is her teacher and removed from the person's presence if not a teacher.

It would break our hearts to have to remove our daughter from a teacher she loves, but we will go to any length to protect her from physical harm and trauma.  We cannot, in good conscience, ever allow her to be around well-meaning but untrained individuals with weapons and children who may grab them.

Respectfully,

The Katie Chronicles: DNA In Action Edition

Katie has a new teacher while her old one is out on maternity leave. The new teacher has changed to a "red, yellow, green" behavior management system, where we get a behavior summary like a traffic signal. I picked Katie up after school recently and this conversation ensued after the usual greetings:

Me: So, how was your day?

Katie: <silence with a sheepish look>

Me: Was it a red day?

Katie: Yes.

Me: Katie Brown, why was it red?

Katie: Talking. I had a green day until I talked too much during reading.

Me: It's always talking that gets you.

Katie: Yeah. I was just made to talk, I guess.

The Katie Chronicles: Snuggle Management Edition

We are a very physically affectionate family, with someone constantly hugging, smooching, holding hands...interwoven with lots of tickling, pretend pinches, and feigned gnawing. One of Katie's early sentences was, "No eating me, Mommy!" (accompanied by buckets of giggles) because I used to pretend to eat her feet while I had her on the changing table.  So recently, Katie was sitting with me in a chair watching a little TV. Her dad sat down in another chair and she started to get up and go over to him. She paused because she seemed to believe that I deserved an explanation. She said, "Mommy, I need to go snuggle with Daddy right now. You know how I snuggle with you all the time? Well, Daddy doesn't get as many snuggles as you do so I need to snuggle with him now. I'll snuggle with you later." I asked her to pencil me in for a 7:00 and she agreed. Now, where's Ethan?

The Katie Chronicles, Bits and Pieces Edition Guest Starring Ethan

Ethan has crossed over from Cub Scout to Boy Scout and his den's final outing was Saturday night to a Hawks game. Ethan gave me the game update afterward and summarized it by saying the Hawks beat the Denver Chicken Nuggets, 97-92. Later, Katie was playing pretend and we overheard her telling an imaginary friend that he was "getting on her nerds." (I hate it when people get on my nerds, too.) Later still, Katie wanted to hear a particular song so I found it on YouTube. The song had a bad word in it (thanks, Katy Perry) and I said, "Oh no, a bad word!" and started to turn off the song. Katie said, "Don't worry. I didn't hear it." 

The Katie Chronicles: Girls’ Nights and Hip Hop Hats Edition

Jerome has been a Cub Scout leader for four years now and every time he has a den or a pack meeting, Katie and I have a Mom and Katie Night.  Tonight is Jerome’s last den meeting as a Cub Scout leader. I will enjoy having him home more but I’ll also miss my special nights with Katie.  Tonight’s activities featured Girl Scout cookie delivery to our local Johnnie’s New York Pizza and staying for dinner, of course.  Then there was ice cream and there might have even been some Taylor Swift singing -- “We are never, ever, ever….”   -- in the car on the way home.  During dinner, I discovered that Katie’s green stocking cap is her “hip hop hat.”  When I asked her what hip hop was, she gave me a pretty good answer, along with an example song.  She also told me that it’s called “hip hop” because it makes you shake your hips and hop around.  How can I give this up?  We’ll definitely have to schedule some more Katie and Mom Nights even after the boys are back. Taylor Swift is optional.

The Ethan Update: Boy Tribe Anthropology Edition

Ethan recently turned 11 and he had his birthday party at Sky Zone, which is a place that has every surface covered by trampolines. It's lots of bouncy fun and a trip to the orthopedist waiting to happen for the over-40 crowd. So we arrive and one of the party-goers is already there. He runs up to Ethan and yells, "Hey Ethan, I'm gonna rip your balls off!" No hello, no how ya doing....just an immediate threat to the private parts. Ethan didn't seem alarmed. He just laughed and they ran off together to play. I turned to my husband with furrowed brow and said, "Translation, please. I clearly don't understand the rituals of your people." He just gave me a sly smile and said, "What? Women don't greet each other by threatening to damage each other's ovaries?" No, Jerome. No, we do not. My field research with the boy tribe continues. More reports to follow.

The Katie Chronicles: Serious Issues Edition

One of the things that I really enjoy as a parent is the number of highly serious conversations I have with the kids. It's fun to see how their little minds and hearts work and to help them learn to navigate the world while their problems are still mostly solvable. Katie recently heard a song called Loco Legs about uncontrollable dancing legs (Fresh Beat Band, for you parents of young ones). Katie sat down by me with a slightly furrowed brow and very seriously warned me that it was important not to sit next to someone with trouble controlling their limbs because the flailing might hurt me. With equal gravity, I agreed that was a good idea. She then said she'd put something on her legs to keep them from acting crazy if she got Loco Legs. I said, "Like braces?" She said, "No, not teeth, Mommy. Legs." I showed her a picture of leg braces on my phone and she agreed that would be a good treatment for Loco Legs. Please make a note for the future should you be afflicted.

The Ethan Update: The Boys' Club Edition

Ethan was recently telling me he needed some of my family ancestry information because he has an assignment to come to school dressed as an immigrant ancestor. I reminded him his mom is from Australia, making her an immigrant, but he wanted a male ancestor because he's a boy and he wants an ancestor like him. I jokingly asked him how he knew he was a boy and he said: "Well...I like explosions...and farts...and burping." Hopefully we can raise that bar for male status a tad higher in the coming years. 

The Ethan Update: Science Edition

Every night at dinner we ask the kids what their favorite part of the day was. Tonight, Ethan's answer was science class, where he learned that hydrogen has one electron and one proton. Then:
Me: "Ethan, if Katie were an element, what would her properties be?"
Ethan, after pondering for a millisecond: "She'd be essential to making rainbows and unicorns." (Actually, I think he said "rainbow-pooping unicorns," but an "ahem" from his dad altered his answer).
Jerome: "When she came in contact with boys, she'd have the same properties as unobtainium. Also, she'd have a lot of free radicals."
Me: "She may produce a lot of radicals but they wouldn't be free, 'cause nothing about my girl is cheap. So Ethan, what properties would Ethanium would have?"
Ethan: "I don't know but there'd be a lot of it in Pop Tarts."

The Katie Chronicles: Mom Tracking Edition

Katie was looking for a favorite skirt she'd misplaced and wanted to wear. I said, "Katie, look on the dining room table." (Yes, really. Don't ask.) Katie said, "That's why I like mommies. They are smart and they can find things. Even daddies can find things sometimes."

My Grandmother

Picture from my grandmother's college
freshman yearbook in 1926.

My maternal grandmother had an interesting life. She rebelled against her father who told her education was wasted on women and worked her way through a women's college in the 1920s. She went on to get a master's degree later. She was a farm wife during the Depression and also had a career with the Department of Human Services and Bureau of Indian Affairs, helping native children who'd been abused or neglected. She survived more than her share of tragedy, as my grandfather died at 52 and she buried two of her three daughters. The first child to pass was my Aunt Phyllis, born when my grandma was 40 and my mom was in high school. Phyllis got a form of polio when she was 11 months old and died within 24 hours. My grandma wrote poetry and songs and I recently found some of them. This is one she wrote for my Aunt Phyllis.

Bereavement

Clasping my hands, they murmur
Do not grieve.
She's better off.
The world is so unkind
To little girls.
So little do they know
What's on my mind.
Does God rock her when she falls?
And kiss her bumps?
And hear her when she calls
For "dinke" in the night?
And smile a little when she says,
"Turn on de dite
'Cause I not seepy, pease"?
Does he take her then and rock her
'Til her head begins to nod?
For if he does, I'd give my life
One night to change with God.