The Katie Chronicles: Daily Questions, Episode #1328.

On the way home, Katie and I chat about the day and she sings, giggles, and asks me a very wide variety of questions. Today, we were discussing how all the trees have leaf buds or flowers on them and how pretty they were. She got thoughtful for a minute and then asked, "Mommy, what if, when each leaf burst out of its bud, it shot glitter?" So listen, God: Disco Trees. Get your tree team on that, stat. 

The Katie Chronicles: Potty Mouth Edition

So we’re eating dinner tonight and conversing as we normally do. Katie says, “Mommy, I’ve been…um…f-word…” Wherever you were at about 6.20 Eastern time, you may have felt the distortion in the time-space continuum that occurred at this moment. The Earth stopped turning for a minute and the planets in the galaxy wobbled on their axes. Time actually seemed to slow down as Jerome and I heard that utterance from our sweet, innocent youngest child…”f-f-f-f-w-o-o-r-d.” I was the first off the dime: “WHAT DID YOU SAY??” She looked at us pretty placidly and said, “It’s an F-word…I can’t say it at the dinner table but I’ve been doing it more lately.” As my brain tried to compute this and Jerome’s eyes continued a slow exit from their sockets, it dawned on me. “Katie, is the f-word you’re talking about another word for ‘toot’ [meaning flatulence]? Fart?” She looked at me like I’d stated the obvious. And said, with a sheepish grin, “Yes, toot” and then she looked at us as if to say, “What did you think I meant?” Time sped up, the world began rotating normally, and I realized she had no idea what just happened. The adult version of the “f-word” is, I’m happy to report, not apparently anywhere in her consciousness. In her 8 year-old world, the “f-word” stands for something gross that her brother had been chided for talking about last night while we ate. Relief flooded me and I told her (again) we don’t talk about those things at the dinner table. I’m sure the adult version of the f-word will make its appearance sooner or later, but I’m happy to report it didn’t appear tonight. Unless you count “fart.”

The Katie Chronicles: Boy Lessons Edition

The background: Katie has a friend at school named Max.  Max, Leo, Kaelyn, Cameron, and Katie have formed a Spy Club, which apparently involves critical meetings that must take place over the weekend. The setting: My car, driving home after work.  

Katie, who has never independently made or received a phone call in her life:  Mommy, I HAVE to call Max tonight on the phone!  He wants to get together this weekend to talk about the Spy Club and I have to call him. 

Me: Katie, I’ve told you before...if he wants to get together with you, he needs to have one of his parents call or text me.  

Katie:  Mommy, PLEASE.  He keeps asking me and asking me and asking me and he’s going to ask me tomorrow why I didn’t call him.

Me:  Did you give him my phone number?

Katie: Yes.

Me: Well, if he wants to talk to you, he needs to call you.  [smiling now] Sweetie, you’re going to have boys pestering you to do stuff all your life so it’s better to learn now.  If he wants to talk to you, he has my phone number and he can call you.  

Katie, thoughtfully: Oh, OK.