The Katie Chronicles, Like Mother, Like Daughter Edition

I have never had a great memory.  Some things I can remember well, but others....well, if I ever forget your name, don't take it personally.  I'll remember the important stuff, like when you told me about how your real dream is to be a Broadway singer, or how you never got over your first love, or that you adore candy corn (for some reason).   Apparently this runs in the family.  I was reading to Katie the other night -- yes, we still read to her, even though she's been able to read on her own for years.  We all enjoy it so why stop, especially now that she's reading Harry Potter?  -- and a character in the book we were reading was described as having a photographic memory.  Katie got excited and said, "Ms. T has that!" (Ms. T is her teacher, who she justifiably adores).  "Wow, that's really cool!  What a useful skill to have!" I said.  She said, "I know!" After a thoughtful pause, she said, "I have more of a Dory memory.  That's OK, though. Who doesn't like Dory?"  Yes, baby girl, let's hope absent-mindedness is part of our charm.  I'm sorry...what were we talking about again?

The Katie Chronicles: Backseat Wisdom Edition

After church and picking up Katie from a Girl Scout camping trip, Katie and I went to get some crickets for Ethan's pet gecko. We also got something called a horned worm because they are apparently gecko treats, not to mention quite handsome, as worms go. Katie was quite taken with the horned worm and on the way home, I heard her telling the worm and the crickets that she was sorry they had to become dinner for the gecko. I said, "Dying is part of life, Katie. Everything dies. Can you imagine the world if nothing ever died?" She paused thoughtfully and then said, "There would be so-o-o much poop!" Later in the trip, she narrated everything the worm did. I heard her say to the worm, "Don't worry, I won't judge you." Wondering what in the world was happening in my backseat, I asked her why she wouldn't judge the worm. She said, "The worm was eating and I saw the mouth. It was weird so I was telling it that it doesn't matter that it has a weird mouth."

So there you have it, America. Katie wants everyone to live long lives but not too long, lest there be too much poop, and she also won't judge you if your mouth is weird.

The Katie Chronicles: Tickets to the Gun Show Edition

I have been lucky enough over the years to work close to Katie's school, which means I have been able to eat lunch with her once a week since kindergarten. Today at lunch, we somehow started talking about arm muscles and then this happened. 

Katie: Mommy, they told me guns weren't allowed in school and so I said, "Does that mean I can't be here, then?"

 #BabyGuns #PewPew

Car Accident Lessons Learned

Last week, my daughter and I were in a wreck where we were rear-ended while sitting at a stoplight. It seemed like a low speed fender-bender but it has played out in unexpected ways that have taught me a couple of lessons.

On the same day of the wreck, I had to take Katie to the doctor because she was having back pain and some unusual nosebleeds. I remembered a friend's ordeal with her daughter's concussion and was concerned about that with Katie. Her doc agreed to screen her closely and there was no concussion (whew!). They were perplexed by the nosebleeds and agreed to keep an eye on her. They said the back pain should resolve in a few days. It didn't. Katie doesn't complain so it took me a while to figure out that she was still having pain. Her pediatrician referred us to a pediatric orthopedist. He took an x-ray and there doesn't appear to be a problem with her spine (whew again!) but she's been referred to a physical therapist and will start that next week. (Katie and I have also had a talk about telling me when she's hurting so I can help or at least keep things from getting worse.)

I have also been dealing with the other driver's insurance, which is through Progressive, and that's where things have gotten weird. I understand we live in a litigious society where some folks feel no compunction about faking an injury or suing to milk the company out of every possibly penny. I get that. But that's not me. I have only asked that my car be repaired and Katie's bills be paid, but that's not what they've done. Under the guise of "helping me" they made what seemed like a semithreatening statement that they might just total my car and one way to avoid that was to accept a check from them based on pictures rather than a real estimate from a body shop. (My car is old but nowhere near being totaled). To be fair, they also mentioned that I could get my own estimate and that’s what I did. It turns out the impact of the crash broke two motor mounts. If I'd just used their app to take pictures of my bumper, as recommended, this would have been missed. They also keep trying to get me to accept a set amount and limited payment timeline for Katie's medical treatment and keep dangling extra money -- hundreds of dollars more than I asked for -- that I "can have today" if I go to their office in Norcross and agree to their settlement now.

I have no idea how much Katie's treatment will cost or how long it will take and I'm guessing it will resolve quickly, but I also guessed her pain would go away in a couple of days, so who knows? The only thing I've ever asked is for them to fix my car and pay for her medical bills but their “let’s bargain” response has turned me into that persistent paperboy from Better Off Dead. "Two dollars. I want my two dollars."

I get that they believe they have to play defense with me but treating me like a potential plaintiff is making me want to become one. I now understand why people hire attorneys. When I feel like I’m getting the run-around -- we are still dithering about fixing my car 10 days after I first called them?? -- along with pressure to settle before all the medical bills are in, and an offer of money to buy me off that makes me feel dirty every time it's mentioned, it makes me want to call Morgan and Morgan.

The lessons I'm taking away are:

1. Always get an estimate from a reputable body shop and tell them everything you noticed about the wreck. The body guy figured out the engine mounts were broken when I told him my car engine had steamed for 30 seconds or so after the impact, which is atypical for a rear-end collision.

2. Always get checked out if you have any pain after an accident and never assume it will just go away in a couple of days.

3. Never accept anything the insurance offers initially if there's even a remote, unlikely possibility of injury. Wait until any pain completely resolves and the doctor gives you the all-clear before finalizing anything.

4. Make the company pay what they are obligated to. This is particularly important for the ladies, because I’m like most women in that I've been raised to be nice and not make waves. I don’t think we have to choose between being nice and getting what is reasonably owed. My motto is “don't be a jerk but don't confuse being nice with being a doormat, either.”

The question I'm left with is how many personal injury lawsuits are self-fulfilling prophecies for the insurance companies? If they just paid what they owe and dealt with people more straightforwardly, would they avoid irritating nonlitigious people like me?

#StillNotSuing #ButHoldingMyGround #HelpMeOutFlo

The Katie Chronicles: Nice Guys Finish First Edition

Katie started developing little crushes a couple of years ago, so now that the first week of school is over, I asked her about the boy situation over dinner.

Me: So, Katie, you have some new people in your class. What do you think about the boys? Anyone you like?

Katie, wrinkling her nose: No way! They all get in trouble too much! The boys in my class try to act cool but they don't know what they're doing so they end up being rude. I don't like that.

Me: Girl, you sure know how to make your momma's heart sing! Always stick with the nice boys.

Her daddy didn't say anything, either because he didn't hear the conversation -- it was a noisy restaurant -- or because the way to make *his* heart sing is for all boys to be in a separate school, until she's about 40.  #NiceBoysRule #MarriedOne

The Katie Chronicles; Light and Dark Edition

Katie and I were in the car today for about an hour doing errands and Katie was at full strength. Here are the highlights.

1. Katie had a good friend

-- let's call her Roberta -- who devolved last year into really mean, manipulative, and volatile so the friendship ended. Roberta's family is from another country -- let's say Canada -- and Katie was expressing concern that she would see Roberta at an upcoming camp. I asked Katie, "Weren't Roberta and her family supposed to move back to Canada?" Katie replied, "No, they're not, sadly. [pause] Whoa, I got dark there for a second. Sorry."

2. Later, we were discussing the two fantastic music teachers Katie has had during elementary school. "I really love Ms. Gunter. She has such a good spirit. I really like her aura." 

3. During one of our stops, we noticed a cupcake store was finally open after a long "coming soon" build-up so we stopped in and Katie bought a red velvet cupcake. Later in the car, she took it out to make sure it hadn't melted in the heat. At the same time, the 80s song "Don't You Want Me Baby" came on the radio and she started singing along. When they got to the second verse, I hear "Don't you want me, cupcake? Don't you want me, oh-o-o? I do want you, cupcake, I want you, oh-o-o." Then she was singing along to the part that says, "you better change it back or we will both be sorry," and she says, "Whoa, that's really creepy." Indeed, although I never noticed that when I was a kid. It wasn't until I heard it again as an adult that I got the menace in that line. 

So there you have Katie's backseat insights for Tuesday. We cover the spectrum from light to dark in our car ride conversations. 

The Katie Chronicles: Ten Going On Fifty Edition

Katie has been at Girl Scout camp week and, even though it's a day camp, older girls can stay the night for one night if they choose. Katie had intended to stay the night tonight but I got a call in the afternoon saying she wasn't going to stay. She said she just changed her mind and nothing was wrong, so I went to get her after the camp was over for the evening. On the way home, she told me that she had been getting some headaches and also the girls she would have shared a tent with were talking about how they were going to stay up all night long. They apparently said they were going to make her stay up, too. She told me, "I didn't want to stay up all night. I just want to get some sleep." This is what happens when you're 10 and have middle-aged parents. You have no desire to see what the world gets up to after 10.30 pm. Next, she'll be complaining about the property taxes and grunting when she has to get up from the couch.  

The Katie Chronicles: Break Like the Wind Edition

You know how ongoing family jokes get started in odd, offhand ways? I think that happened tonight. In an effort to pry our kids away from screens, we've been playing a lot of games with them in the evenings. A family favorite is Uno. In one of tonight's hands, poor Katie kept having "draw" cards played against her, so she ended up drawing about 10 cards in a row, without getting to play any. When Jerome played the last "draw 4" card against her, she simultaneously let out a toot and expressed her mock outrage. "Daddy!" she said. "Don't make me fart in anger!" The table erupted in giggles and a joke was born. 

So, if you come to our house, be warned. If you don't play nice, Katie may tell you off in a memorable way. Let's hope she doesn't go into politics...although it would make those debates more interesting. 

The Katie Chronicles, the Birds and the Bees and the Horses Edition

Recently, I accompanied Katie's Girl Scout troop on a trip to Cumberland Island. Cumberland is one of Georgia's barrier islands on the Atlantic coast and is quite beautiful (I highly recommend a visit if you're near Savannah or Jacksonville, FL). One of the things it's known for is wild horses -- technically, feral horses -- that populate the island. During our visit, the troop hiked out to the ruins of a mansion built by the Carnegie family and we were breaking for lunch, so Katie and I had a chance to chat. We found a picnic table that was away from the group and watched the horses while we ate. There were no foals that we saw but Katie began asking about the horses having babies. We had a wide-ranging discussion with a lot of questions about identifying mares and stallions, how to tell if a mare is expecting, and so on. I ended up explaining in the briefest terms how horse babies are made. Katie became fascinated by the relationship between the mother and father horse (or dam and sire for you horse folks). Katie seemed bothered by the idea of the single mother horses and the deadbeat dad horses.

"So they get together, have horse sex, and....?" she asked. 

"Yes," I said. "The dad goes on his way while the momma raises the baby." 

"That's just rude," says Katie.  "They should at least date before they have a baby together." 

Of course, a discussion of horse marriage ensued but we reached no conclusions about how to solve the challenges of single motherhood in the horse community before it was time to move along on our hike. Perhaps  we'll solve that on another visit.

The Katie Chronicles: The Great Sushi Debate Edition

Once a week, I am lucky to be able to eat lunch with Katie at her school and usually it's just the two of us.  While the point of lunch is quality mother-daughter time, it is occasionally enlightening (and amusing) to listen in on Katie's conversations with her friends, so recently I allowed her to bring over a friend to our table.   Last week, part of the conversation involved Katie and her friend debating the merits of grocery store sushi versus restaurant sushi. (Yes, these are 9 year olds.  I can't remember what I was debating at 9 -- Ear piercing? Nancy Drew books? -- but Japanese cuisine wasn't it.) The discussion centered on cost (grocery store) versus quality (restaurant) and the girls seemed to come down on the side of the grocery store because you can get "more for your money" there.  I don't know whether to be happy that Jerome and I are instilling values of frugality or perplexed about Katie liking the fake crab stuff.   I think I'll go with happy that the child who refused to eat even one molecule of green vegetable between the ages of two and three is finally broadening her culinary horizons.