
Updates about my kids for friends and family who don't see them a lot and also some random thoughts.
Tuesday, June 30, 2020
The Katie Chronicles, Soup Kitchen for Homeless Snails Edition

The Katie Chronicles, the Birds and the Bees, Fish-Style Edition.
Well, I’ve ruined Katie’s life. Today we were watching a nature show about a zoo where they were separating out two fish from the others because they were having trouble breeding, giving them a little privacy and maybe a little Marvin Gaye playing nearby. Katie and I started discussing fish reproduction. Our kids have known for a long time where babies come from and how they’re made, but she seemed skeptical of the fish method of baby-making, so I asked her if she remembered Finding Nemo, which she watched about 3,742 times as a preschooler. “Katie, remember the scene where Nemo’s mom and dad swam down to the cave and watched the eggs? And then the mean fish ate all of them except for Nemo? How do you think the baby fish got in those eggs? Moms release the eggs and the dads fertilize them and then that makes babies. I’ve always wondered how the fish sperm doesn’t wash away before it can fertilize the eggs.” She gave me a horrified look as the reality of her beloved Nemo being made via fish sex emerged in her mind, apparently for the first time. I was surprised that she was surprised. Did she have some sort of mental image of the Immaculate Conception for him? So Nemo was a Jesus fish? And we thought he was a clown fish. Anyway, she buried herself in her blanket and screeched in mock agony. “I can’t believe you told me that! You ruined my life!” Mission accomplished I guess. If you haven’t given your kids at least a couple of things to discuss in therapy, have you even parented? #MarlinAndCoralDidTheDeed
The Katie Chronicles, Portrait of the List-Maker as a Young Girl Edition.
We are cleaning out drawers and closets as we slowly reassemble our house from the ongoing flood repairs and I came across a treasure chest of memories from Katie’s youngest years. First up is evidence that she is her mother’s daughter. She made a to-do list when she was 7 and here’s a selection of important tasks for the modern first grader, circa 2014:
Call Chandler to see if she can play yes or no
Play in my cichin [her play kitchen]
Ask to go to SKZ [Sky Zone, a trampoline place]
Read a book
Do mathe
Cook with mommy and dad
Rite a note
Eat peanuts or nutse [nuts?]
Call Chandler to see if she can play yes or no
Play in my cichin [her play kitchen]
Ask to go to SKZ [Sky Zone, a trampoline place]
Read a book
Do mathe
Cook with mommy and dad
Rite a note
Eat peanuts or nutse [nuts?]

Taking cer of me
Giveing ever thing I need
And all of the above.” She also drew a picture of both herself and Rome (I know because she labeled the two people) and they are both giant heads with stick legs coming out of their heads. No bodies or arms, just legs and heads but they do have hair and facial features, so there something.
I was pretty ruthless in tossing a lot of the paper items I had kept but a few things made the “keep” pile and these are definitely two of them.