The Health Care Debate Comes to Town, Belatedly

The health care debate has died down quite a bit but I’ve been thinking a lot about it for some time now. To help me sort through the overheated rhetoric on this subject, I tried to educate myself. In the process, I found the Kaiser Family Foundation’s website. It’s a great resource and really helped me see why this issue has been considered in various forms for so many generations.

After reading a good deal, I started to write down my thoughts. I learned a lot of interesting information but the topic is so complex that I found myself writing, and writing and writing as I worked through it. I quickly realized something critical. The facts are certainly very important and have shaped my view, but for me, it all really boils down to Jennifer.

Jennifer was my hairstylist. She was about my age and we had a lot in common. She had a husband and a daughter who was about a year older than my daughter. She loved her family intensely, always smiling and radiating love when she discussed them. I would come in every six weeks or so to get my hair cut and we would exchange the latest adventures in parenting. From the pictures at her station, I knew her daughter looked like her husband, with cute red hair, beautiful blue eyes and fair skin. Jennifer was quiet but funny. She was a great hair stylist, not just because she did good hair but also because knew that sometimes a tired working mother just needs to be quiet and read mindless magazines while she gets her hair done. I got to know her over the years and, while I’m sure she had flaws like the rest of us, she was a good person, kinder than most.

Then one day I came for my appointment and I noticed she was thinner. She was never overweight to me but she said she had gone on a diet and quickly lost a few pounds. She was happy with the outcome. We chatted, she cut my hair and I made my next appointment.

When I came back six weeks later, Jennifer wasn’t there. They told me that she was sick and asked if someone else could cut my hair. I said sure, and didn’t think much of it. Velma, the substitute, told me the real story. Jennifer had kept losing weight after she concluded her diet. She got thinner and thinner and finally went to the doctor when she started having pain and trouble eating. The doctor quickly discovered that Jennifer, at 41, was completely riddled with cancer and there was very little they could for her. She lasted for another few weeks and then died, leaving a completely devastated husband and 3 year old daughter and at least one customer who will never forget her.

Jennifer’s cause of death was cancer but the truth is she died because she didn’t have health insurance. She and her husband both worked full-time, often more than full-time, and neither of their jobs provided health insurance. She apparently had felt off for quite some time – not much energy, etc. – but because her symptoms were not overwhelming and they didn’t have coverage, she didn’t go to the doctor until it was too late. Like most mothers, she was thinking of her family and putting her needs last. She didn’t want to incur the cost of an uninsured doctor’s visit so she waited. She waited and now her daughter has a whole chunk of her life that’s missing. Mom will never show her how to do a ponytail or counsel her through playground heartbreak. No cheering for her on stage or field, no pictures before prom, no excitement of college, no congratulations on a great job, no crying at her wedding or easing her anxiety as she experiences her first pregnancy and birth.

On a very fundamental level, I think this is wrong. Morally wrong. It’s wrong that a family can follow all the rules and still get a death sentence that could have been prevented. Jennifer and her husband both had training that qualified them for jobs needed by our society. They both worked hard, pulling extra shifts and generally making it. And Jennifer died anyway. This isn’t “just one of those things that happen” or a mysterious bad luck scenario that we just have to accept. This happens because so many of our leaders have cared more the next election and those fat checks from the insurance industry than they did about helping actual people, and the life and death problems they face every day.

I also think this is wrong because of my faith. I’m no theologian but my reading of the Bible makes one thing clear: We are to help those who need it, especially those people who have less than us. We are to love others as Christ loves us and demonstrate that love through our actions. It’s hard to imagine Christ being OK with us waging a war of choice and approving tax breaks for millionaires but suddenly finding ourselves broke when the subject of helping people comes up.

So I’m now armed with quite a few facts about the health care debate in America and I can quote those to you if you like. But for me it all comes down to Jennifer. I don’t believe in a government program for every issue but I do believe – to put it in the terms of our former president – that no child should be left behind when a parent dies for lack of insurance coverage. We can quibble about the details and work those out over time but the bottom line is extending health care to all was the right thing to do. I’m just sorry that it didn’t come soon enough for one little girl in Suwanee, GA.

Sleepy Booty

Princess Katie continues her reign. I’m not sure where the interest came from as we haven’t really started reading her fairy tales yet. I think it’s genetic or some sort of collective unconscious thing. She had a princess birthday party theme and princess pajamas and so on. Today we were having our usual bedtime discussion and she wanted us to pretend to be princesses. We played several rounds of the game, which apparently involves assuming a royal identity, making imaginary snacks and juice – my rainbow juice was a hit -- and then changing personas. The game totally fell apart when she told me she wanted to be Sleepy Booty. That’s Sleeping Beauty, if you’re not familiar with the Disney-fied princess pantheon filtered through preschool vernacular. I lost it when she said it and then she and I dissolved in giggles. I’m not sure she knew why we were laughing but she laughs whenever I do, and since her laughter is one of my favorite sounds, I laugh more after she starts and much mother-daughter hilarity ensues. I’m pretty sure a running family joke has been born and I’m fairly certain I’ll yell, “Go Sleepy Booty!” at least once at a future sporting event in which she’s playing.

That sport will likely be soccer, at least at first. She’s into any kind of ball and loves to play soccer, catch, whatever. Every time we drive past a soccer field (which is a lot in the suburbs), she points it out and asks if she can play, so I’m sure the request to be on a team is coming soon. Her skills are not too shabby. She may not bend it like Beckham quite yet but she can header like a pro. I guess those little physical ed classes at school are showing some results.

Katie also talks about ballet, possibly because her friend Morgan takes ballet. Katie will bust a baby move whenever there is music playing anywhere and sometimes to music only she can hear. We definitely encourage this because she does it with such unbridled joy. We're big fans of unbridled joy and the world needs more of it. Sleepy Booty is happy to do her part.

It Takes a Village...or an Advisory Board

We are all grown ups and, as such, we are responsible for our own decisions and their consequences. Hopefully most us have made pretty good choices and, consequently, have a certain amount of confidence in our ability to handle life’s challenges, but we also never stop growing and developing. We are, or should be, nudging the boundaries of our comfort zones and following our curiosity into uncharted lands, even though it can be a bit scary and frustrating to find yourself in those new places. You may not speak the language or have the right money. The denizens don’t get your sense of humor and they wear weird shoes. That border guard frowning at your passport and reaching for his radio can’t be good. It’s hard.

So I think we need some help. Many organizations, notably startup businesses, have a great solution. They need a host of experts to help them navigate tricky situations and to give good advice, so they usually collect these experts into advisory boards to help them. Since our lives are all fraught with so much growth and change -- we are all essentially "startups," so to speak -- I think we all need our own advisory boards.

Some view asking for help as signaling insecurity or weakness, but I think no one is perfect in every area of her life (and anyone who thinks she is probably needs a reality check instead of an advisory board). Seeking advice is about deepening connections with others, and taking something that may already be good to a higher level. I need advisers whose guidance can help me be the best parent I can be for Ethan and Katie -- if you have ideas about how to get Katie to use public bathrooms, please share – and the best wife for Jerome. I would love help wrangling slippery questions about leadership, supervision, working in higher education, being a female administrator, work/life balance, religion and spirituality, politics and citizenship and on and on. I want to do all these things as well as I can and I believe in not reinventing the wheel. I want to benefit from the buckets of wisdom that are all around me, locked in the heads and hearts of my beautiful friends, family and colleagues. And if it helps you to hear what I’ve learned, I’m happy to share it. So, what do you say? Want to be on my advisory board? Here’s a chance to give me advice, so lay it on me, and don’t forget to tell me what I can help you with. I’m listening…

Meh, or Reflections on Avatar

Jerome and I went to see Avatar last weekend and I left the theater with my proverbial wheels turning. Here's where they've taken me so far.

I think everyone agrees that this movie’s visual aspects are a technical achievement that sets the bar at a new level and are just flat-out beautiful. We saw a brief “how it was done” piece on YouTube and the creativity and sheer hard work necessary for this film is astounding. The world where the story takes place -- Pandora…hmmm, could that mean anything? -- is gorgeous and the 3-D technology, while it takes some getting used to, was amazing. You can judge for yourself whether seeing it in 3-D is worth the extra cost (two tickets were $27 for us). I say probably and my husband says no.

The writing, however, is another matter. In a word, it’s disappointing. It is entirely predictable and James Cameron, who wrote as well as directed, paints every character in the broadest possible terms. The bad guys are 100%, over-the-top evil in the most stereotypical way possible, the good guys are angelic and there is no in-between, or there is but it‘s ignored (more about that later). Such black-and-white characterization is unrealistic and, in my mind at least, boring. It’s also a strange counterpoint to the incredibly rich color and visual texture of the Pandora world. It's a world of great beauty and dimension populated by cardboard cutouts.

Particularly problematic for me is the portrayal of the main characters. The Na’vi -- the race of blue beings native to Pandora who, I‘m sorry, look like stretched out Thundercats -- are rather obviously modeled on a mishmash of Native American, African and other tribal cultures. I’m no film major but I’m pretty sure one would say they exemplify the “noble savage” stereotype, magnificent, unspoiled natives at one with nature in a perfect utopian existence. While Cameron puts in some magical visual moments, the Na’vi characterization, especially their spiritual practices and beliefs, felt superficial. It seemed like Cameron read some blurb on Wikipedia about Native American spiritualism and then watched The Lion King with his kids and thought, “Yeah, that will work here. Let me toss in a little of this and a little of that and so what if I don’t have the first clue what any of it really means. People will think it’s all deep and spiritual and stuff.” I was also a bit troubled by the seemingly African features and accouterments of several of the Na’vi coupled with other features that were feline (meaning animalistic). Portraying people of African descent as animals or animal-like has an ugly, painful history and, while I may be seeing something that’s not there, it did give me pause. The Na’vi aspect of the movie would have been so much better if Cameron had created something original and not used a stew of identifiable Native American and African tribal imagery that he probably doesn't really understand.

There is a definite political and cultural message in this film, which in itself is not a problem. My issue is that Cameron puts it out front in such a heavy-handed way, using it as a blunt object and pounding the viewers with it constantly. I wanted to say, “OK I get it! You think the military people are amoral meat heads and nature is always perfect and harmonious and wonderful. The world is black and white, good and evil and everyone always knows which is which, all the time.” Now, I tend toward the peace/love/harmony, tree-hugger, nature-lover mentality myself so you’d expect me to dip this message in my coffee and eat it up for breakfast, but it was just way too obvious, stereotypical and force-fed for me to like.

One potentially interesting piece of the story is left completely untouched: Pandora is being mined by a private company for its stores of the laughably-named Unobtainium, aided by a group of scientists, with security provided by former military, and they are willing to commit genocide in order to get what they want. Yet the narrative perspective of the film holds that the scientists -- who are aiding this sacrilege in every way possible -- are the good guys while the company and the military/security are evildoers. (Hmm, I think there’s a message here about the military-industrial complex, if only I could figure it out. Think brain, think!) Why are the scientists wearing the white hats and the people they’re helping are wearing the black hats? Exploring this “good people doing bad things” aspect would have brought some depth and texture to the story but it’s never touched.

I realize I’ve spent most of my time talking about my problems with this movie. The bottom line for me is that it is without question a visual feast and is a good “popcorn movie” if you’re willing to overlook the obvious stereotypes and plot development you’ve seen a million times. It’s worth seeing for the technical achievement alone and should be viewed on the big screen to really get the full impact. I am, however, disappointed in the writing. James Cameron should, I think, stick to using his substantial envisioning and directing skills and let someone else write the scripts.

Mission Accomplished

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you (cue trumpet fanfare) Katie Brown, potty trained person! (Pause for applause.)

We had early success with Number One but the Number Two phase was tricky. We reinforced our vision statement, brought in consultants, adjusted our motto (“Poopy in the potty, not in your underwears!” as Katie said it) and persisted. It’s been a long journey but Katie would like to thank her team, in particular Ms. Shea at school and our corporate partners, the makers of the Elmo potty chart, Dora the Explorer stickers and Jelly Belly jelly beans, for the delicious briber…er, positive reinforcement.

As grateful as I am for Katie’s accomplishment, I will say her attitude lately could use some work. We haven’t noticed it at home but Katie has been getting in trouble at school…at two! She was even sent to the director’s office, which is the pre-school equivalent of the principal’s office. In the past couple of weeks, she has gone from being compliant to testing her boundaries (welcome, Terrible Twos?). She just hasn’t been listening to her teacher, has become very interested in what others are doing in other parts of the classroom when she’s supposed to be doing something else, or is disruptive in circle time. She got sent to see Mr. Sean in the director’s office when she wouldn’t stay in time out. Thankfully that only happened that one time but smaller misbehaviors have been happening relatively regularly. We talk with her a lot about following directions, we are really clamping down at home with misbehaviors and we reinforce the proper response when Ms. Shea tells her to do something (Yes ma’am!). But our little rebel continues.

Of course Jerome and I have visions of multiple psychological diagnoses, stints in juvie and a teenaged crime spree that Martin Scorsese will make a movie about. But Ms. Shea thinks she has the explanation. Katie will be transitioned to the next class in pre-school after the holidays. Shea thinks Katie’s very ready and her behavior is a reflection of her being bored, filtered through some natural social butterfly tendencies. It seems this is pretty common. Several of her little friends have already transitioned to Ms. Toya’s class because they are slightly older – a month or two makes a big difference in development, apparently – but Katie has to wait until the next group transitions over. Ms. Shea has also noted a weird chemistry issue with another child in Katie’s class that is part of the problem. She says the two kids just push each other’s buttons, so she's keeping them in separate groups when possible. I don’t know exactly who it is but I have an idea and it’s an adorable little girl who is one of Katie’s friends. She is feisty just like Katie, though, so I could see how they could really fan each other’s flames. (Note to Mr. Scorsese: That teenaged crime spree movie could need two leading ladies). At any rate, Ms. Shea is not too concerned and we’re extremely grateful to have such an observant and caring teacher for Katie. Katie adores her and talks about her all the time, so we’re hoping the next teacher is as beloved as Ms. Shea.

In other Katie news, she will tell you when the tile floor is “sipperly” and her current question obsessions are: Where dat come fwum? and What ‘bout me? I’m restraining my tendency to give her philosophical answers. So when she asks, “Where dat tree come fwum, Mommy?” I answer, “The store” rather than give her en exposition of the whole creationism vs. evolution debate. I’ll save those for Ethan.

A Word About "Goddess"

I think the only people who read this blog are people who know me fairly well but, just in case, I feel the need to explain my use of the word “goddess.” I’ve received a few weird looks over the years when I say this word, so here’s what I really mean.

When I was in my doctoral program, my major professor, Dr. Diane Cooper, had a party at her house for all the doctoral students. It might have been just for the women in the program; I can’t remember for sure but I don’t remember any men attending. We ate, played games and had a great time. One of the games we played was called “Go Goddess!” It was a fine game, if a bit cheesy and new age-y, but we played it and were all goddesses for the evening. We laughed a lot about it and a group identity was born. From that point forward, we were the goddesses. We greeted each other lightheartedly as “Hey goddess!” and also used the term to encourage each other. We didn’t take ourselves as seriously as the term “goddess” might imply but we were confident and strong and nurturing of each other, so we were goddesses.

I completed my doctoral program and took the goddess mentality out into the world. I call most of the women I know “goddess” at some point and it never fails to bring a smile to their faces, which I love. I call myself and other women goddesses somewhat lightheartedly but there is a serious part to it. I think most of us need reminders now and then that we are strong, powerful, benevolent, wonderful people when we choose to be. All that strength, kindness, and…well, “goddessness” is right there in us all the time, even though we forget sometimes. All we have to do is turn ourselves toward its warmth and light and we need other goddesses to remind us to do that. And hopefully we turn that light outward to the world and give it to others, which is the essence of “goddessness.” (I feel the same thing about men but I haven’t found a good encouragement word yet. “God” is already taken ;-).)

So I use this term to describe myself and others, for several reasons: it reminds me of a time of being connected to my friends and colleagues and it reminds me to remember the inner and outer resources that are available to me, even though I forget sometimes. I can’t control what others choose to think when they hear me say “goddess” but I truly hope they see it for what it is, and that they feel like goddesses, too.

Working on the Truth Badge

First the quick kiddo news: The potty training continues. Katie has been in panties for two weeks. I must say, those tiny little princess or Dora panties are too cute, unless they’re dirty and then not so much, but still…She’s done really well so far.

Ethan is working on his first badge, the Bobcat badge. Apparently this badge is all about what you know: the Scout motto, the Scout promise, the Law of the Pack, a recipe for the perfect cheese soufflé, all the normal stuff.

Otherwise, it’s pretty quiet on the kid front.

There has been a lot to think about lately on the political front. I am a moderate in that I listen to all the mainstream ideas, try to seek unbiased facts and then make a decision about an issue. I think individuals of both of the major political sides probably have good points but my major thought lately has been how very disappointed I am that political debate as been replaced by rancor and outright dishonesty. We have some life-altering issues ahead of us and they are complicated enough to require careful analysis and thoughtful debate. So it only hurts us to have all the noise and outright lies – shame on you Sarah Palin, shame! -- replacing the fact-finding and conversation we should have.

Another problem is that anyone with a reasonable, open-minded, fact-based approach simply gets shouted down and ignored. So here’s a proposed solution: I wish the media would all get together and agree on one thing. I wish they would agree that they will only give air time or print space to politicians and commentators whose comments have been fact checked by a non-partisan, objective third party (like here and here). All others, no matter how prominent they are, would get no coverage. So if Senator Liar Liar Pants on Fire or Mr. I'll Say Any Slap-Ass Crazy Thing to Get Viewers for My Show holds a press conference to spread the lies or the nastiness, no one shows up. Well maybe there would be one guy there who thought it was an Amway sales meeting. Otherwise, they'd get crickets until they shaped up.

But sensational comments, no matter how ridiculous or dishonest or damaging, make news and get ratings, so this will never happen. However…since the media counts on us as consumers for ratings or sales, maybe we have the power to force them to care more about the truth. If we pool our efforts, I think we could turn this thing around. And why not follow the example of Cub Scouts like Ethan and reward our efforts with a badge? Let's call it a Truth badge. We'll start with memorizing a promise. Repeat after me:

• I will turn off any pundit or news or toss any publication whose news content regularly doesn’t stand up to non-partisan fact checks.
• I will hold all politicians accountable for the factual nature of their comments.
• I will refuse to vote for politicians who engage in fear-mongering and incivility.
• For politicians who frequently talk about their Christianity, I will ask them to account for how well they’ve upheld the Golden Rule in their political lives.

It will take some time for the news outlets and politicians to get what we’re doing – and extra credit goes to anyone who sends them an explanation -- but we can do it. Let’s show them we care more about the truth and civility than about sensation and noise. Do we have a deal?