The Katie Chronicles: Boyfriends (with Extra Awww) Edition

I can't remember specifically when Katie started showing an interest in boys. I know when she was a baby, there was a little boy named Owen in her daycare room and they were pretty tight. Every day, Owen would crawl over to where she was and they'd hang out. Somewhere I have a picture of them together. They both look so serious, like those pictures of old couples from a hundred years ago who got married at 16 and then held hands on their porch every night for 70 years while they talked about this year's corn crop.

I remember her first-grade boyfriend but I can't remember his name. He was too cute, with huge black eyes. He had an easily given, million-watt smile and you could just see the mischief radiating off of him in waves. Charm for days, that kid. He told me that he and Katie were going to get married someday, but alas, it wasn't to be. He moved.

Then there was Zach in third grade. He had funky, cool glasses and was a little fella. I've always eaten lunch with Katie once per week at her school and he would come over to join us occasionally. He was very serious and so polite when he was around me. I can picture him grown up, with a goatee and a blazer with leather patches on the elbows, thinking deep thoughts; a future philosopher, clearly. Katie asked if they could attend the school's end of year bash together so we took her (as we normally do). They said hi to each other and then went their own ways for the entire time, each jumping on the huge inflatable bouncy of their choice. Modern love, third-grade style, I guess.

On spring break this year, Katie went to a drama camp and she met a boy there, Wesley. She only talked about him as a friend but at the end of the camp, he gave her his phone number. (I'm still not used to kids having their own phone numbers.) They began an intense, emoji-filled correspondence that included him telling her that he "liked LIKED" her, and happily she felt the same. Oh, the euphoria that was in our house for a few hours!

Young Wesley is, in fact, young: about 7 months younger than Katie and he goes to a different school. This last Saturday was beautiful weather, so Wesley's mom and I met at a park so the kids could play together. Unlike the third-grade "Hi, I'll be over there" episode with Zach, they played together for a while, while I chatted with his mom. His mom told me that Wesley talked about Katie constantly during the camp week and had told his friends at school about her when spring break was over. When we were on our way home, I told Katie that Wesley reminded me of Jerome. He's tall and looks somewhat like Rome, has glasses like her daddy's, and has that same sweet, quiet-but-intense vibe. Katie agreed that Wesley and Rome are similar and then said, "Good! I want a boy who's just like Daddy." When it comes to her taste in boys, so far at least, I'm a fan.

(Side note to Jennifer: The arranged marriage between our kids is still on, as far as I'm concerned. These are just practice boys.)

Facebook, Privacy, and Missing the Point

I have been observing the coverage of the Facebook situation, including watching a little bit of the Senate testimony of Mark Zuckerberg (oy).  I admit, I find most of the coverage perplexing, especially the outrage.  Do people genuinely not understand how Facebook (and the internet in general) makes money for people?  I assumed everyone understood this, but maybe I have insider knowledge I’m unaware of because I’m married to a man who does marketing for a tech firm.  If that’s the case, let me share.

It takes hundreds and sometimes thousands of highly skilled (and highly paid) people and security tools to keep an online service running and growing.  That costs millions of dollars.  Whenever something is offered to us for free – a blog platform, a social media site, a video content provider, an app – the owners have to get money to run it.  There are two main ways to do that: make us pay to use it or offer it for free and sell ads.  Nobody has an unlimited ad budget, so they want to target their ads to the consumers most likely to buy their products.  This has always been the case.  It’s why you see different types of ads during daytime TV vs. primetime or on certain types of shows.  One of my favorite games while watching a TV show is “guess the demographic.”  Lots of estate planning and medication ads?  Older folks.  Lots of luxury car and glitzy travel ads?  Upper middle class, middle-aged people. Those ads are placed there because the network helps the company understand the demographics and preferences of who watches certain shows and helps them place the ads.  It’s the foundation of all marketing.  To their credit, Facebook does not sell user information, unlike many other services people use without complaint.  That’s not how they make their money.  If we’re going to act outraged over an ad sales business model – again, they're selling ads to companies, *not* your data to companies -- we’re going to have to spread that around to every other service that helps companies and organizations advertise.    

I’ve also seen some incensed assertions that Facebook is manipulating us into using their service. Yes, they are.  Just like every other service we use. Stores offer coupons.  Restaurants offer kids’ menus and delivery.  Bars run drink specials.  Every single business does everything it can to get you to use them over their competitors. Every single politician does everything she can to get you to choose her over her competitors.  People attempting to persuade us to do one thing over another is part of the social experience, and it’s not wrong unless it crosses certain lines, like lying. 

Another criticism I don’t understand is that Facebook is “watching” people.  Yes, Facebook also does some monitoring, as do other services like YouTube, to prevent their platform from being used by people like child pornographers.  None of us wants to see children being raped (or graphic violence, or any number of things) in our news feeds or on a YouTube video we stumble across.  They monitor user activity, usually through automation, to prevent this kind of abuse and to gather basic information for how we use the site, so they can improve services and get us to use it more.  See above about how they make money.  Not monitoring would allow abuse to flourish.

Underlying all this criticism seems to be the idea that what people do online is private and that companies should provide products and services for free.  There is no such thing as true privacy online. Anywhere.  We can alter privacy settings and our behavior to make something more or less private (and we should), but everything we do online is traceable and potentially being watched by someone.  Our credit card company is paying attention to our purchases to monitor for theft.  Facebook monitors for safety reasons and to bring us things we might like, based on other things we like.  Objecting to this is like objecting to a cop watching for speeders at an intersection or your boyfriend noticing you like lilies over roses and altering his purchases.  This can be abused, certainly – if your boyfriend goes from noticing your flower preference to stalking you – but monitoring itself is a fact of life. 

My concern with all this is the lack of understanding many people seem to have, but also because all the baseless outrage distracts us from asking better questions.  Does Facebook have some things to answer for in terms of how its platform was used *by others* (key point…not by them but by others) to allow a hostile foreign power to sway our elections?  Yes.  Do they deserve criticism for how s-l-o-w-l-y they responded when this became known?  I think so.  But from what I’ve seen, their biggest crime seems to be naivete and a lack of critical thinking about how their tool could be weaponized.  But if we spend all our time launching puerile personal attacks against Mr. Zuckerberg or acting outraged that ad companies are interested in making money, we’re missing the point.  And as long as we keep distracting ourselves from the real issues, the more vulnerable we are to individuals and organizations who actually do want to manipulate us for nefarious reasons.  Don’t be mad at Zuck.  Be mad at Putin, his allies and unwitting accomplices within our own government, and their willingness to weaponize any tool to win.

The Katie Chronicles: Homesick Chickens Edition

I am frequently told that Katie is my mini-me. She does look like me but she also acts like me, too. Exhibit A: The following conversation ensued while we waited for Katie's most recent gymnastics class to begin. 

K: What's that? [sticking her face about 2.4 centimeters from a work document I had in my hand]
Me: It's a strategic plan.
K: ....
Me: It's facts and knowledge.
K: So it's me, then?
Me: No. You *have* facts and knowledge. This *is* facts and knowledge.
K: Nuh uh. I AM facts and knowledge.
Me: No, you are a goofball.
K: No. I'm a goofGODDESS, Mommy.

Yep, those chickens I sent out have definitely gotten homesick and are coming back. You've been warned, world.

The Katie Chronicles: Southern Church Lady Edition

Children inevitably pick up the rules and language of the culture in which they are raised and Katie is no exception. She and I have had a couple of conversations over the years about Justin Bieber and his various adventures that somehow were the talk of the elementary school set. (Are they reading gossip blogs at recess?) Katie told me that he and Selena Gomez were back together and her skeptical tone made me think she didn't approve. I said, "Well maybe she loves him and maybe he's matured. I read a People magazine at Aunt Teresa's and it said something about him going to church the other day." Katie said, "Really? Good. He needs some Jesus in his life."

So there you go, Biebs. You have a Southern church lady in training who is now rooting for you.

The Katie Chronicles, Like Mother, Like Daughter Edition

I have never had a great memory.  Some things I can remember well, but others....well, if I ever forget your name, don't take it personally.  I'll remember the important stuff, like when you told me about how your real dream is to be a Broadway singer, or how you never got over your first love, or that you adore candy corn (for some reason).   Apparently this runs in the family.  I was reading to Katie the other night -- yes, we still read to her, even though she's been able to read on her own for years.  We all enjoy it so why stop, especially now that she's reading Harry Potter?  -- and a character in the book we were reading was described as having a photographic memory.  Katie got excited and said, "Ms. T has that!" (Ms. T is her teacher, who she justifiably adores).  "Wow, that's really cool!  What a useful skill to have!" I said.  She said, "I know!" After a thoughtful pause, she said, "I have more of a Dory memory.  That's OK, though. Who doesn't like Dory?"  Yes, baby girl, let's hope absent-mindedness is part of our charm.  I'm sorry...what were we talking about again?

The Katie Chronicles: Backseat Wisdom Edition

After church and picking up Katie from a Girl Scout camping trip, Katie and I went to get some crickets for Ethan's pet gecko. We also got something called a horned worm because they are apparently gecko treats, not to mention quite handsome, as worms go. Katie was quite taken with the horned worm and on the way home, I heard her telling the worm and the crickets that she was sorry they had to become dinner for the gecko. I said, "Dying is part of life, Katie. Everything dies. Can you imagine the world if nothing ever died?" She paused thoughtfully and then said, "There would be so-o-o much poop!" Later in the trip, she narrated everything the worm did. I heard her say to the worm, "Don't worry, I won't judge you." Wondering what in the world was happening in my backseat, I asked her why she wouldn't judge the worm. She said, "The worm was eating and I saw the mouth. It was weird so I was telling it that it doesn't matter that it has a weird mouth."

So there you have it, America. Katie wants everyone to live long lives but not too long, lest there be too much poop, and she also won't judge you if your mouth is weird.

The Katie Chronicles: Tickets to the Gun Show Edition

I have been lucky enough over the years to work close to Katie's school, which means I have been able to eat lunch with her once a week since kindergarten. Today at lunch, we somehow started talking about arm muscles and then this happened. 

Katie: Mommy, they told me guns weren't allowed in school and so I said, "Does that mean I can't be here, then?"

 #BabyGuns #PewPew