The Katie Chronicles: Git ‘Er Done Edition.

Katie was excited about spending some time at home next week until Rome and I started talking to her about what we had to do when we were home in the summers as younglings. We ended up creating a list of tasks together for her next week and she set some of her own goals. She will definitely have some sleeping-in and fun time but she also has two books to read (one for school that she procrastinated on and one assigned by me) and various Scout merit badge tasks, one of which involves planning, shopping for, and cooking five dinners. (I’m excited about that one!) All this is in addition to a Scout fundraiser, a merit badge class, and her normal cleaning, cat feeding, and cello practice chores. Lessons about using your time wisely and personal growth are in the making and we hope she ends the week with the sense of accomplishment and self-esteem that comes from handling your business like a boss.

The Katie Chronicles, Don’t Call DFCS Edition.

Katie loves to draw and she’s developed the habit of doodling on herself. Today she took it to a whole new level. She had to hang out in my office for a little while and she had some watercolor paint, so instead of the usual flowers and random shapes, she painted wounds on herself. She did a couple of cuts and bruises that looked so real I was afraid someone was going to think I abuse my child. Given Atlanta’s extensive movie industry (it’s the most common place to shoot movies and TV shows now) maybe there’s a career in special effects?

The Katie Chronicles, Focus on the Positive Edition

Parenting a middle school child is giving me a run for my money. Basically, I’ve hunkered down and am just trying to make it through the year. OK, I’m being a little dramatic. The issues this year are, as far as I know, pretty much on par with Katie’s developmental stage, so no drugs or porn addiction or knocking over liquor stores on the way home from school or anything. That’s for 7th grade.

There are, however, frequent sparks of light and even entire sunny days. She’s still a snuggle bug, and she does things occasionally that just make my heart sing. A few days ago, without being told, she *actually found a coaster* before she put down her drink on my new coffee table. Y’ALL. Wow. Apparently the 8,865 times I’ve shouted “use a coaster!” from the kitchen have sunk in. Then yesterday we were watching a news story about that Houston principal who created a dress code for parents. We talked about what challenges she might be experiencing and Katie concluded (without any prompts from me) that she disagreed with the code because “you don’t know the parents’ situation. They might not be able to afford more than what they have on or they might be sick that day.” Be still my heart. She’s getting what we are trying to teach her, at least a little bit. That’ll get me through a bad grade on an open book test any day.

The Katie Chronicles: Home Improvement Edition

Well, the good news is that we decided to tackle some house projects over the break. We — and by “we,” I mean mostly Jerome with assistance from Katie and me — got started this weekend with painting Katie’s room. I knew there’d by massive dust when we moved furniture that had been in place for years and I figured we’d also discover a variety of archeology finds under and behind things. Our dining room has become a staging area for all the things.

What I didn’t expect was how gross that room was. It’s amazing what you see when you get close to white wood trim in a kid’s room, although maybe “amazing” is the wrong word. I’m not sure exactly what she’s been doing in there. Surgery with dull instruments, maybe? Sword fighting? Running a bootleg slaughterhouse? When we moved the bed, we found...oh Lord, I can’t say it. There was a...oh boy...a secret booger collection on the wall that my lovely daughter claimed was from “when she was a baby.” 🤢 I’ll need to find a priest so I can go to confession later and purge my soul. Where did I go wrong, Jesus? Katie is paying penance by scrubbing that section of the wall — she volunteered! — and cleaning the the baseboards. (Those were just dirty, not booger-y).

Once I recovered from my booger-induced nausea, I was able to appreciate the cuteness of overhearing Rome answering Katie’s questions about painting and their general discussion about life. I love Daddy-daughter time, especially when it involves teaching baby girl a life skill. I’ve only had the occasional booger flashback. I’ll be all right.

The Katie Chronicles, Cherry-Flavored Beauty Edition

Katie’s at the age where she wants to start experimenting with how she looks. She hasn’t asked to wear makeup yet but she did ask for permission to color her hair...with Kool-Aid. Apparently this is all the rage with the middle school set. She asked to color just the ends and we initially said no.

A month or two ago, she asked for something else we said no to and she and I had a follow-up talk about how ask for what you want and how to be persuasive. Does it involve asking over and over and over? Whining? Begging and making crazy promises, like never asking for anything ever again? No. We talked about thinking through your request, considering all the pros and cons, including what questions the other person may have, and then thinking through all your counters to the cons and questions. We talked about timing — should you ask after Mom says she’s tired or has had a bad day or is rushing to get out of the house in the morning? — and so on. So when we first said no to the Kool Aid dye job, she countered with her written proposal.

Why i should be able to dye my hair with kool-aid

Why I feel like I should be able to dye my hair with kool-aid is because 1.) it will last longer 2.) it wont rub off on products such as shirts, pillows, and sheets, etc. 3.) it would not cost a lot because you only needed to buy the kool - aid 4) a lot of people have dyed their hair and they say that it all looks good and it does 5.) it would look good 6.) it's safer because there's no harmful chemicals 7.) since it's only sugar and color when I combine it with conditioner and water (which is what they say to do) the sugar would dissolve, so I wouldn't attract bugs etc. 8.) a lot of kids in my class have dyed their hair with kool aid and so has [friend’s name was here] 9.) there are not a lot of steps 10.) there are not a lot of things we would need. Since there are a lot of positives there are always downsides 1.) it takes a while to soak into the hair 2.) it could get a little messy (but everything is). These are some reasons why I think I should be able to dye my hair with kool-aid. Here is a video talking about how to do it: [video link was here]

So, after some discussion with Jerome, she got her way with some conditions. She spent part of yesterday afternoon sitting at the dining room table, working her Kool Aid magic. I feel like we both got something.

The Katie Chronicles: Motivating Mom Edition

While watching college football on Saturday, Katie and I were snuggling on the couch. With her signature sweetness, she put her hand on my cheek and rubbed it back and forth with a thoughtful look. Then she informed me that she thinks growing a beard and mustache is just a matter of effort. My darling daughter told me that the only reason I don't have a beard is I'm just not trying hard enough and I could do it if I really wanted to. I don't know if I should be humbled by her estimation of my potential, perturbed at the implication that I'm lazy, or just planning another discussion of secondary sex characteristics. #slacker

On Stumbling Blocks and Epic Takedowns

This morning’s Gospel reading and sermon were about stumbling blocks. The Bible mentions this concept several times and, if memory serves, stumbling block stories are mostly about not causing other people to stumble or sin through your own actions.  The reading meshed with something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, specifically the stumbling blocks I put in front of myself. 

My thoughts about this started a few months ago when I began to notice the number of links in my Facebook newsfeed that invited me to click and watch someone get told off, or to see someone doing something stupid or otherwise regrettable.  One day, it struck me how often I was invited by my newsfeed to watch someone at their worst, to not only watch but to revel it in it and I began to wonder about the intent of these links. The stated purpose seemed to imply it was just entertainment, but it was always at someone else’s expense.  It seemed pretty clear that I was supposed to watch and feel superior to the person who was featured in the link, whether it was someone doing or wearing something crazy in Walmart, or dealing with a situation differently than I would, or someone who I disagree with politically.  I used to click on a few of those things – the political ones are particularly tempting -- but once it became clearer to me about what was going on, I began to question my own participation in it.  My clicks felt OK because I wasn't sharing them.  I was just looking in private and the illusion was that viewing and feeling the emotions they were designed to elicit had no effect on how I treated others.  But those clicks were feeding something and I didn’t like what it was when I looked closer at it.  These weren’t news links that provided me with information about world events or funny links where everyone was in on the joke. These were links that only showed someone at their worst, with no context or additional information.  I realized that, by laughing at or judging someone’s embarrassment, or their ignorance, or their brokenness, I wasn’t living in the way I’m called to do.  I wasn’t treating people – yes, even people I’ve never met or who I highly disagree with -- in the way I wanted to be treated.  I wasn’t building a longer table to include them, I was building a fence to exclude them. 

But what about justice, my head said. If someone is doing something hateful and another person tells them off, isn’t that justice in action?  If a politician is ranting about the ethics of poor people while ignoring his own complicity in their poverty, isn’t it justifiable (not to mention satisfying) to see him confronted with this in a mic drop moment?  Yes, it is satisfying on some level, but it’s not justice.  Justice often requires speaking truth to power, but in a way that engages them in the solution.  Justice involves action that actually helps the victims. Telling someone off doesn’t do that.  It could even hurt because it can cause the recipient of the “takedown” to harden his position.    Being angry at injustice is understandable and can be beneficial if it motivates someone to take action to correct that injustice.  Telling off the prejudiced doesn’t do that. And watching this happen on Facebook links didn’t make me a better advocate for any victimized group.  It only made me feel superior to the person on the receiving end of the takedown and I decided it was morally corrosive for me.

So, I decided to do a little editing.  I stopped following pages that put out a lot of this kind of content and I unfollowed a couple of people who do the same.  I still see these links occasionally, and I am still not perfect in how well I resist the temptation.  The invitation to feel superior to others is powerful but it’s dangerous and I’m doing my best to change this, to be repelled by it instead of tempted by it.