The Katie Chronicles, Nostalgia Edition

 We are like a lot of households in that we transitioned to streaming movies and shows quite a while back. Even so, we have held onto quite a few DVDs from back in the day and continue to own players, even if we don’t use them much. I went through some DVDs this weekend and tried to pull out some I thought we could donate, if anywhere still takes them. I asked Katie to go through a pile of animated movies from her childhood, expecting to be given the green light to get rid of all of them, probably accompanied by an “I can’t believe I ever liked these,” too-cool eye roll. But I was wrong. I had no idea you can feel nostalgic for your childhood even when you’re still *in* your childhood. Katie went through the discs and reminisced with me about the ones she used to watch as a child, what her favorites were, which one scared her for reasons we don’t fully understand (Meet the Robinsons), and so on. As it turns out, she’s quite attached to several Barbie movies, Flushed Away, and the Shrek movies. The crown jewel in the 2010s nostalgia trip was The Sharpay Movie. Now there’s a name I haven’t thought of in many years. (Sharpay was a character in the High School Musical movies, if you missed the reference). When all the Despicable Me movies came up for discussion, it was my turn to wax nostalgic and I told her the story of how she used to ask to watch “Pickle Me” in her sweet little girl voice over and over. Ahh memories. 

The Katie Chronicles: Future Grandchild Edition

After I got home from work, Katie and I were chatting about her first day of spring break and what she did. She said she found an article about names from around the world that mean “moon” and “love” and she wanted to read some of them to me. As she went to her room to get her phone and find the article, I tried to imagine the names that might be on the list. I kept coming up with names that were a little on the hippy side. Then time slowed down a little bit as I went forward about 15 years. I landed on a future vision where 30 year-old Katie was telling us she was having our first grandchild and she had chosen some name inspired by this article. I mentally scrolled through names I thought might be on this list and I was prepared to tell her I’d love little Moonbeam Twinklestar whether she has an unusual name or not. Then Katie found the article and started reading out names she liked. They were actually quite reasonable options: Myla, Jac

The Katie Chronicles: No Stranger Danger Edition

Fridays are our night to eat out, so last night we were getting take out. As an extrovert, this isn’t something I think about. I call, I order, I go on with my life. Introverts, or at least the young one who lives in my house, see this differently, apparently. Talking on the phone strikes terror into her heart. (Our family phone practically melded to my head as a teen because I spent so much time on it. I was talking to people I already knew, but still...how things have changed). As a woman whose favorite thing to make for dinner is reservations, I decided I could not raise a daughter unable to feed herself via the work of others, so last night was the time to learn to talk to strangers on the phone. After a little mom coaching and reassurance that the restaurant worker she was calling was, in fact, not a magical monster who could eat her soul through the phone, she got started on learning to order her dinner using the thing in her hand usually reserved for watching TikTok videos and texting. To sweeten the deal, I let her order from a restaurant that I wasn't in the mood for while I ordered my own dinner from another place. Phone skill tip number one: When you’re nervous, rehearse. So, was she ordering from the right location of the restaurant? Check. Did she know what she wanted to order in advance and what sizes? Check. Does she have mom's credit card ready to give them and know where to find the expiration date and security code? Check. Deep breath. And…dial.

On the way to the restaurant, I told her it was time for part two of the lesson: She had to go into the restaurant by herself and actually talk to a stranger face-to-face. And, since they didn't ask for my credit card when she ordered, she also had the additional challenge of giving the stranger money and getting change. Cue teen angst in the form of wailing and gnashing of teeth and a pointless bickering session over whether she could take my whole wallet in with her or just the $20 I handed to her. (Mother-daughter bickering is our cardio. She has a brilliant career in the law, I predict.)

I’m happy to report that Katie survived this gauntlet of horrors, getting her dumplings and fried rice and my change with little to no emotional trauma. And if I'm wrong, at least I gave her something to tell her therapist someday.

The Katie Chronicles: First Day of High School Edition.

I am happy to report Katie survived her first day of a giant new school. We had talked about how to prepare for the egregiously early time she has to get on her bus -- shower at night, lay out your clothes, etc. -- but that was several days ago. I realized late last night that we hadn't discussed it since, so I didn't get the chance to do the Mom Quality Control Questions: Did you set your alarm, is your backpack ready, etc. Apparently, she had it covered because she went to bed early, got up in plenty of time to get everything done, made a snack, and was ready to go earlier than necessary. She wanted to get to the bus stop early, so we did. Somewhere in heaven, my mother, the school teacher who raised me to believe if you're on time you're late, is smiling. Katie stood there in the blessedly cool darkness of the early, early morning and then off she went.

After school, we did our usual tradition: I leave work early and we get ice cream and discuss the day. Katie decided she wanted to get ice cream from the store instead of going to the local shops, clearly a ploy to stretch ice cream over several days, not just the one. As an upstanding, right-thinking, pro-ice cream American, I approve. (As a side note, Ben and Jerry's has a new (?) flavor that is yummo...Cannoli). Here's the report: There are 3,300 students in her school. Thankfully the county started a new plan where freshmen were the only students in the high schools today. (At elementary schools, it's kindergartners only and at middle schools, only sixth graders). The other students who are not new to the school are attending online. Tomorrow and Friday, sophomores join the freshmen and then juniors and seniors join them in person on Monday. It’s a great way for the newbies to get used to a school without the crush of humanity. Despite this, Katie said it was already too crowded. Oh boy. She was able to get to all her classes on time, without getting lost, which was a win because her schedule takes her to almost opposite ends of the building and to different floors, all in 5 minute breaks. She liked her classes, with the possible exception of PE. Y’all…she has to actually *run* in PE class. AND she has to dress out every day. Rude! The good news is PE is her final class, so no returning to other classes all sweaty and it only lasts 9 weeks before it switches to health. She assured me she is passing this PE class so no repeats for her. (That better be the case with all her classes but that's another story). I told her PE used to be every day, all year, all the years of school. I also assured her that I walked to school in tornadoes and snow storms, often killing grizzly bears with my Trapper Keeper while destroying the ozone with my Aqua Net hairspray. She said her favorite class is theater and the other classes were all fine. She said most of her fellow freshmen are "immature" but she made two new friends -- a big deal for an introvert -- and saw a sweet friend from elementary school. She couldn't remember their names so my genes are definitely active in her. She even had a person to eat lunch with. "Some Dude" is his name, apparently. All in all, a good start. Everyone knows the saying "happy wife, happy life" -- well, "happy girl, happy mom" isn't quite as catchy but it is nonetheless true. Happy school year e'erbody!

 

The Katie Chronicles: Geographically Challenged Edition

 
Katie likes to watch The Great Food Truck Race on the Food Network and we realized that we somehow missed a season, so we've been catching up on episodes recently. If you don't know, the show involves seven or so food truck teams who all go to a state, are given a truck and other accessories, and they compete to see who can sell the most in a given city, who can make the best dish with a specific ingredient, and so on. The season we're watching takes place in Alaska, so Katie and I have been talking about Alaska during the commercial breaks. Last night, the teams had to go out on boats and fish. Katie was talking about the water and seafood and she said something to the effect of, "Well, Alaska *is* an island so..." I looked at her and waited for the punchline. She gave me a "what?" look.

"Katie...Alaska isn't an island. It's attached to Canada."

"No, it's not. It's an island!"

We went back and forth about this before I googled a map and showed her. Yep, there it was, attached to the west coast of Canada. She was flabbergasted.

"How come they always show it as an island when they show a map?" she said.

"Katie, they don't....oh wait. Is *this* the map you're talking about?"

I figured out that she sees maps that are America-centric, meaning they only show the lower 48, Hawaii, and Alaska, leaving out Canada and Mexico, like when they show a weather map of the US on TV. When I showed her just such a map, and asked her about it, she said, "YES! That's what they always show!" To be fair, those maps do make Alaska look like it's not attached to anything. So I had to explain that it's an edited map designed to only show the US, not a geographically accurate map. She was relieved and I felt better, too. I was beginning to see this as a parenting failure and was glad when we found the explanation.

The funny part of all this is she's actually been to Alaska. We went on an Alaska cruise a few years ago (I recommend it) and she *did* see Alaska from the water with shore excursions, just as on the other cruises we've taken...which were all to island destinations.

One of the really fun parts of parenting has been those moments when I get to see the world through her eyes and I realize that sometimes her view is totally her own. It was nice to be reminded of that and be able to solve a geographic mystery. (Mom still knows a few things, emphasis on few.) So, remember, if anyone asks, Alaska is a peninsula, not an island.

(I am contractually obligated by my youngest child to say that she blames the cruise companies. Royal Caribbean, you can expect her lawsuit to arrive directly).

The Katie Chronicles: She's Got the Look Edition

 From February 9, 2020

A day or two ago, Katie and I were hanging out in my room, letting the contractors finish their work. Katie decided to amuse herself by playing dress up with my clothes. She used to love clonking around in my heels when she was a toddler so I said yes in a nostalgic frame of mind. I’ve never been a fashion muse before. She came up with some interesting pairings and, in true teenager/celebrity form, she refused to cooperate with the momarazzi but she did provide a quote: When she came out of the closet in the green, she said, “I look like a pea who went to private school.” Ladies and gentlemen, in the spirit of a famous red carpet that is about to be walked in a few hours, I give you the sartorial stylings of Katie Brown.

The Katie Chronicles: My Grandpig at the Kitty Rodeo Edition

Katie loves cats, so her giving ours lots of love and attention isn't at all unusual. Recently, however, it went beyond affection, progressing more in the life coaching direction. I was sitting in our living room, minding my own business, when I looked up from whatever I was doing to see my youngest child lecturing Tulip the kitty about being 56 in human years and still living at home. 

Tulip was held like a baby, gently held accountable for her failure to launch into productive adulthood, and sent on her way, but not before I grabbed a photo to document the occasion. You can see by her expression how she feels about this little intervention, but after documenting Katie's lecture, I found another possible source of her feline frustration: Proof that she was ridden by a pig earlier in the day. I unearthed evidence of the kitty-pig rodeo action as I was scrolling through my phone's photos and discovered that Katie had done her version of photo-bombing, where she leaves these little pictorial presents for me. (She does this every so often). Katie told me I couldn't delete the photo because it was a picture of my grandson, Wilbur, who's chilling there with Tulip. Katie then told me that after Wilbur rode Tulip, Katie found him playing with my phone, trying to take a selfie. When Katie grabbed the phone from Wilbur, the story went, he snapped the action shot seen below. So not only do I have a trans-species grandchild I didn't know about, he is apparently quite mischievous. Later, Katie brought Wilbur out of her room, saying she had talked with him and that he wanted to apologize to me for using my phone without permission, which he proceeded to do, with Katie translating, as I apparently don't speak stuffed pig. I think the larger lesson here is that if you want to hang with us, you just have to be prepared for whatever comes. Meeting grandkids you didn't know you had, pigs riding cats, talking stuffed animals, interspecies life advice from a 14-year old....all on the table.