The Katie Chronicles: "One of Those Weeks" Edition

Katie had a tough one last week. Her class had a sub part of Tuesday and apparently Miss Thing decided to put the lady through her paces, so.....Katie got her "Choice Card signed," which is the modern version of getting a note sent home from the teacher. Katie wrote a note of her own back. Then, the next day she fell out of her chair, bumping her head bad enough to go to the school nurse. Later that evening we were playing Hi Ho Cherry O and she told me that it was fiction because it's not real, as opposed to non-fiction, which is real, so I guess her noggin sustained no permanent damage. 

Muscle Man

Ethan asked his grandmother for some hand weights for Christmas and we were a little mystified. I found out today he wants the weights because he has a crush on a girl and he thinks if he makes his muscles bigger she'll like him. His dad is on the case, giving him Lady Tips such as, "try talking to her." His first crush!  The "aww factor" is almost too much for me.  I want to pinch his cheeks, and high five him.  But....I've been sworn to secrecy, so shhhh.  ("Secrecy" in this case means I can tell others but I can't say anything to him).  For now I'm just keeping my prayers to myself: Please be a nice girl, please be a nice girl.

The Katie Chronicles, Mamma Mia Edition

(Background information: Ethan likes to greet us occasionally in the morning by laying on top of us and we call this being covered in Ethan sauce).  Katie and I were laying down on the couch together and she says, “Ethan!  Come here!  We need some Ethan sauce!  Mommy, you are the big spaghetti and I am the little spaghetti and Ethan is the sauce!”  I say, “Then what is Daddy?” Pause.  “He’s the meatball!”

Just Saying No...Thank You

I spent part of the afternoon yesterday getting two old fillings replaced. My dentist offers sedation dentistry and I've seen a similar dentist's commercial that says you will have "no memory of the procedure" if you use their sedation services. I have had great experiences with dentists and am not an anxious patient but I recognize that some people are terrified and need a little help. I'm actually more afraid of "having no memory of the procedure." What if I said something crazy? What if I stood up in the chair and started singing KC and the Sunshine Band songs? I can picture it now: "M'am, please get down. M'am! Please...no these aren't my, my, my, my boogie shoes. Please, come on down now. Yes, I do agree that 'Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight' is great advice no matter who you are. Now please. Oh forget it. Front desk, please bring the hose to exam room 4. We have a singer." So....I think I'll be passing on the happy pills, doc.

The Katie Chronicles: The Jig is Up Edition

Last night, I had just finished reading Katie's nightly stories -- three chapters of a Junie B. Jones book...Junie B is very big with the kindergarten set, apparently -- and put her down for the night.  Then I did something I almost never do.  I went to the pantry and got out some of my Christmas stocking candy (Andes mints and a Lindt truffle...yum!).  I set them on the coffee table and, before I could eat them, Katie came out of her room to tell me something vitally important about her stuffed animals or some such.  As she got close to me, she stopped in her tracks, looked pointedly at the candy, and then back at me.  She didn't say anything about it but that look said I had just confirmed all her suspicions about what adults do as soon as kids go to bed.  It's like her thoughts were in a bubble over her head:  "Candy!  I knew it!  When does Santa get here with the bounce house and cotton candy machine??"  

The Katie Chronicles, New Year's Resolution Edition

Marie Osmond recently appeared on our TV to tell us all about losing 50 pounds on Nutrisystem. They were showing the food and Katie turned to me and said, “Mommy, you should get that!” Ouch. Further inquiry let me know she meant I should get the ice cream sandwich they showed so she could have some. Whew. That was a close one. (She obviously hasn't noticed my post-holiday winter padding.) Later, she was running up and down the hall in a very focused, intentional way and I asked her what she was doing. "Working out," was the reply. Later, she said, "Whew! I feel good because I'm all worked out."

The Katie Chronicles: Matrimonial Edition

Katie told her Grandma Brown the following schedule for her (Katie's) wedding day.
1. The entire wedding party will go to a spa and have a massage, get our hair done, and of course have mani/pedis.
2. We will go to the wedding, where all the guests will get a massage. All of them. If you're keeping score, that's two massages that day for the wedding party.
3. Katie and her husband will kiss.
4. Katie and her hub ONLY will go on the honeymoon. When I asked her why I couldn't come along for that, she said it was because she couldn't come on mine (because she didn't exist yet), so it was only fair.

I have no idea where Katie's intimate acquaintance with spas and massages comes from but, if you're a fan like she is, you may want to make friends with her now to insure inclusion on that guest list.

Ethan told her to make sure she didn't just choose her husband on looks. "If you have a handsome husband who isn't nice to you, that isn't good. Make sure you pick someone who's nice." Smart boy.