The Katie Chronicles: Song Lessons Edition

 One of Katie's friends listens to a lot of country music and I've noticed one song in particular seems to have made an impression. Lately, I've been hearing her play "Before He Cheats" and singing along passionately. In case you're not familiar, it goes something like this:
"I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
I slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats."

Another favorite pop song is called "No." It's about a young woman in a club and says:
"My name is no
My sign is no
My number is no
You need to let it go
You need to let it go"

After she hears the first one she says, "I think she's over-reacting a little bit," but future bad-boy boyfriends, you've been warned. Carrie Underwood and Meghan Trainor are teaching my girl how to respond to your game and your nonsense.

The Ethan Update: Official Teenager Edition

Ethan turned 13 in February and, despite all I have read about tweens and teens, I haven't noticed any changes, other than the need for daily application of deoderent, which began a couple of years ago.  Despite the delay, I think Ethan officially became a teenager this weekend.  By way of background, let me tell you that Ethan has always been an early riser, frequently getting up at about 5 or 5.30 am.  (Those toddler and pre-school years were bleary-eyed for Rome and me.  Caffeine, have I mentioned how much I love you?).  One time when he was about 5 or 6, he actually slept until 9 am and, in all seriousness, I went into his room about 7.30 and checked that he was still breathing.  Fast forward to this Saturday: Ethan was actually the last one up, rising about 8.30 am.  This is the equivalent of sleeping until noon in Ethanland. Then on Sunday he had to be asked to turn down his music while in his bedroom.  So, yep...here we are.  The teen years have arrived.  I will note that he complied immediately with the request to lower the volume and did it without attitude, so I think we're still in "Teen Years: The Prelude" mode.  Or maybe Ethan will only give us Teen Years Lite (tastes great, less door slamming).  #FingersCrossed

The Katie Chronicles, Me Time Edition

Ethan is 13 so when he is with us, we will occasionally leave him in charge of Katie as we go to the grocery store or run a similar errand. (Who knew child-free grocery shopping was such a wonderful experience?) Ethan is with his mom this weekend, but that didn't stop Katie from asking if we could leave her home alone while we ran to the store for something. I asked her why she wanted to be home alone and she said, "Mommy, I just need some Katie time. You and Daddy have your time at night after I go to bed and sometimes I just need some me time to be alone." I suspect "me time" means eating candy and/or Girl Scout cookies and watching shows we won't let her watch. But come to think of it, this is very close to what my own "me time" looks like.

The Katie Chronicles, Lifesavers, Er, Bedsavers Edition.

Parenthood is pretty amusing, if you pay attention to the things that come out of your mouth on a regular basis.  Earlier today, Katie was on all fours on our bed, repeatedly pushing down so hard on her hands that she was bouncing up and down. 

Jerome:  Katie, what are you doing?

Katie: Giving the bed CPR.

Jerome:  Please stop.  The bed doesn’t need CPR. 

Katie: OK.  I’ll give the pillow CPR. 

Jerome:  You’re doing it wrong.  Here, hold your hands like this.  If you hold your hands like that, you might break their ribs [the ribs of the pillow?].

So, if anyone’s heart stops in third grade at school this week or if any beds stop breathing, Katie’s on the case. 

The Katie Chronicles, CSI (Christmas Scene Investigation) Edition

A few years ago, we got Katie a play kitchen set for Christmas. We were in Florida for the holiday and it was too big to haul down there, so we had to stage a whole scene where it was set up in the house for Katie to find when she returned, with a note from Santa explaining why he couldn't bring it to Florida. Fast forward to a recent morning at the breakfast table.  We were talking about the elves and Santa's magical powers. Katie began talking about how Santa got her kitchen set down the chimney that one year and she remembered the note. She said, "Mommy, Santa is a miracle worker! I compared his handwriting to yours and Daddy's and it looks just like yours! He can imitate people's handwriting perfectly!" Her investigative skills are growing, apparently (darn you, Nancy Drew!). How long until she figures it all out? 

The Katie Chronicles, Julia Sugarbaker, Jr. Edition

We remodeled our house about four years ago and we did a good bit of research on the various updates beforehand. Even though we "cut the cord" last year, we have kept up an HGTV habit that formed during that reno year and we like to ooo and ahh (and eeww) over the various remodeling projects they feature. So Katie and I were watching House Hunters Renovation Collection and a couple asked their real estate agent to find them a house to buy that was even older than the 1970s-era house they had already toured. I talk to the TV as if the people can hear me so I said something to the effect of, "I'd think twice about wanting to go a lot older." Katie said, "Why, Mommy?" and I said, "Older homes have character but also lots of problems like wiring and plumbing that has to be replaced. It gets expensive to renovate at the level." Katie, right year old, my third grade child, said, "Yes, I agree. You want a place that looks older but is actually newer. It should just have that rustic *look*."

Refugees, Compassion, and Fear

Like most people, in the past few weeks, I’ve been giving some thought to my opinions about admitting Syrian refugees into the U.S. It strikes me first that compassion and helping those in desperate situations is a spiritual issue and Christians have been given some guidance on this.  Quite a bit, actually: 

"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. Then the righteous will answer him, "Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?" The King will reply, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me."

(Matthew 25: 35 - 40)

If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

(1 John 3:17-18)

There are others but I'll stop there. Helping refugees is such an important imperative in Christianity that 5 of the 9 NGOs helping with refugee resettlement in the U.S. are Christian. But isn’t it normal to feel fear about letting people into America from a country that has Muslim extremists in it?  I think that’s pretty normal, especially after what happened in Paris last week.  But not giving in to fear is a spiritual issue, too. The most common phrase in the Bible in both the Old and New Testament is "have no fear" or "do not be afraid."  We are called repeatedly to do the work of love and justice without fear.  That doesn’t mean, of course, that we abandon common sense precautions, but more about those in a minute. 

Helping refugees is not only the Christian thing to do, but it’s also pretty patriotic.  It’s so important to the American experience that it’s written on the Statue of Liberty: “"Give me your tired, your poor/Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,/The wretched refuse of your teeming shore./Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,/I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

But what about jobs? Won’t they hurt our economy, which is still struggling in so many places?  It turns out the answer is no.  Economists have found that refugees, even when they come in large numbers, have either a net neutral or net positive effect on the economy. They know this from studying the impact of 125,000 refugees from Cuba coming to Florida within a few months in 1980 (80,000 to Miami alone). There was no impact on unemployment. Yes, they got jobs, but more people mean more people buying things, which creates more jobs, and more people paying taxes. Plus, refugees and immigrants tend to start more small businesses.

I’ve also learned a lot about the refugee process this week and it strikes me that a terrorist who wanted to come to do harm in the U.S. wouldn't be the sharpest tool in the box if he choose the refugee process as a way to enter. Refugees don't get to choose where they are sent. They are assigned to a country and could easily get sent to Lebanon or Egypt instead of America. Our refugee vetting process takes up to 2 years so even if a potential terrorist did get sent to the U.S., he'd be waiting a long time. (There is a way to enter the U.S. that does deserve scrutiny and that's the number of countries whose citizens we allow to come in without visas for short stays. That is probably more porous than it should be).

But we already have, as a few Facebook posts have pointed out, homeless veterans and children.  What about them?  Since when did compassion become something we have to dole out only to certain groups?  Compassion is not a finite resource.  It’s a false choice to say we must choose between two deserving groups.  We can help both and we should.  

I think we are right to allow refugees from Syria to come to the U.S.  In fact, I think it’s long overdue.  If terrorists cause us to separate ourselves from the best parts of ourselves, our empathy for others and willingness to help those in need, their victory is more profound than any bombing could ever be.